Alt: Lyrics On Christmas Songs

There is always someone who deliberately changes the words.

Years ago, on a Sunday School outing, it was me. We were playing the game, "Rumor." As we circled up and held hands, a phrase was passed around from mouth to ear. The object of the game is to find out what the original word or phrase was compared to what comes around to the last person in the circle.

I cheated.

I changed the phrase from whatever the original was to something I thought was funny. For some reason, I still remember one "phrase" I changed from its original wording to one of my own- "Creep in the car." Well, my childish mind thought it was funny.

Over the years, Christmas favorite songs have emerged. Also, alternate lyrics for these songs have emerged as well. Two examples will suffice.

The first was taught to me one Christmas by my cousin Kim, who, with her family, would join us to visit grandmother's house every Christmas. Oh, to be able to go back for just a few moments(!) You know by heart the original version, so I share her version:


Randolph the bowlegged Cowboy had a very shiny gun
and if you ever saw it you would turn around and run.
All of the other cowboys used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Randolph join in any poker games.
Then one foggy Christmas eve Sheriff came to say
Randolph with your gun so bright, won't you shoot my wife tonight?
Then how the cowboys loved it as they shouted out with glee
Randolf the bowlegged cowboy, you'll go down in the penitentiary!


Randolph the bowlegged Cowboy had a very shiny gun
and if you ever saw it you would turn around and run.
(I am sure that Randolph had few friends)

All of the other cowboys used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Randolph join in any poker games.

I consider this a brave move, considering Randolph's shiny gun. Another reason I doubt Randolph had many friends.

Then one foggy Christmas eve Sheriff came to say
Randolph with your gun so bright, won't you shoot my wife tonight?

I am aghast at this statement. First, why would a sheriff invite a gunslinger to shoot his wife? Second, why would the guy do it unless he were an idiot? Third, why choose a time like Christmas Eve to do such a dastardly deed? Frankly, all of this is appalling. It would also make very good fodder for an edition of "Nancy Grace." It is all the more appalling that the Sheriff makes this request with such ease, as though he were asking Randolph for a light or something.

Then how the cowboys loved it as they shouted out with glee
Randolf the bowlegged cowboy, you'll go down in the penitentiary!

At last, Randolph gets his just desserts. Much is not said in these lyrics. Randolph apparently took the sheriff's challenge and did the deed. At the very least he's up for attempted murder. Worse, he could be charged with first degree murder. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. It is however, a sad tale sung at Christmas, which should be a happy time.

Finally, for Lagniappe (look it up if you've not from south Louisiana) and because it is Christmas, here is a song taught me by two of my boyhood friends. Actually, I never knew the song had any more lyrics beyond the first three lines. (Admission time: even today when we sing these words in church, I think of the alt:lyrical version.) There, that felt better:

We Three Kings of Orient Are

We three kings of orient are
trying to smoke a rubber cigar.
It was loaded and exploded.
Now we're on yonder star.
Oh star of wonder star of light
hope you see a ghost tonight.
It will haunt you and it will scare you
all the days of your life.

From the heart of D. Holder to you and yours, Merry Christmas!